NLP Will Boost Your Self-Esteem

Self-confidence is a posture that is learned through experiences. When a person experiences success, that person will tend to expect to be successful. And that expectation will cause a feeling of confidence.

For example: A young man wants to learn how to be a prizefighter, so he gets a manager and takes lessons. His manager will not put him into a competition until he has acquired enough stamina and skill. And even then, the manager will only put him up against an adversary that he knows his fighter can surpass. When his fighter beats the rival, he is successful, and starts to gain confidence in his proficiency.

With each contest, the manager puts his contestant up against an adversary who is only a slightly better rival then the last, but not good enough to beat his man. By the end of the third fight, the young fighter begins to expect to win his fourth, and so his confidence continues to evolve. This series of events continues to repeat itself. And as long as the fighter wins, his expectations of success, and his feelings of self-confidence will continue to evolve.

If a person who has a long history of success and feelings of self-confidence does fail, they still tend to expect success the next time out. Conversely, when a person who is weak in the self-confidence department fails, they tend to lose confidence, and begin to expect failure, which can become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Even if an individual has true self-confidence, it doesn't mean that they will be successful at everything. Usually people who have self-confidence have sensible expectations. Even when some of their expectations are not met, they continue to be positive and to accept themselves.

People who are not self-confident, tend to lean unreasonably on the confirmation of others in order to feel self-esteem. They refrain from taking risks for fear of failure. They belittle themselves and tend to discount or ignore compliments that they do receive.

On the other side of the coin, secure people are willing to risk the disapproval of others because they generally depend on their own abilities. They acknowledge themselves; and they do not believe that they have to conform in order to be accepted.

Just because a person feels self-confidence in one or more aspects of their life, doesn't mean that they will feel confident in every part of their life. For example, a person might feel confident about their mathematical ability, but not feel confident where members of the opposite sex are involved, such as in a dating situation, or social relationships.

HOW IS SELF-CONFIDENCE INITIALLY DEVELOPED?

Various realities affect the maturation of self-confidence. Parents' attitudes are all-important to the way children view themselves, particularly in their early years. When parents provide acceptance, children receive a great basis for good feelings about themselves. If one or both parents are excessively demanding or cirtical, or if they are overprotective and discourage moves toward independence, children may come to believe they are incapable, inadequate, or inferior.

However, if parents encourage a child's moves toward self-reliance, and they are not overly critical when the child makes mistakes, the child will learn to accept herself, and will be on the way to developing self-confidence.

isn't necessarily related to a lack of ability. A lack of self-confidence is often the result of centering much too strongly on the unreal expectancies of others, especially friends and parents. The affect of friends can be more powerful than those of parents in shaping the feelings about one's self.

Beliefs That Continue to Influence Self-Confidence

In response to external influences, people develop beliefs; some of these are helpful and some are not. Several assumptions that can interfere with self-confidence and better ways of thinking are:

ASSUMPTION: It's imperative that I am successful at everything. This assumption is unrealistic. In life, each person has her strengths and her weaknesses. While it's important to learn to do the best that one can, it's more important to learn to accept the self as being human, and fallible. Feel good about what you are good at, and accept the fact that no one knows everything nor are they an expert at everything.

ASSUMPTION: I must be perfect, and loved by everyone, and satisfy everyone. Again, this is unrealistic. All human beings are imperfect. It's better to develop personal standards and values that are not completely dependent on the approval of others.

ASSUMPTION: Everything that happened to me in the past remains in control of my feelings and behaviors in the present.

ALTERNATIVE: While it is true that your confidence was especially subject to external influences when you were a young child, as you gain maturity, you can gain insight and a new slant on what those influences have been. In doing so, you can choose which influences you will continue to allow to have an effect on your life. You don't have to be helpless in the face of past events. HERE ARE SOME STRATEGIES FOR DEVELOPING CONFIDENCE

Emphasize Your Strengths. Bestow upon yourself credit for everything you can do. And grant yourself acknowledgment for every new thing that you are willing to attempt. Take risks. Adopt the perspective of: I never fail, because there are NO failures. However, sometimes I find out what does not work, and once I've learned what doesn't work in a given situation, I can try something else.

Use Self-Talk: Use self-talk as a method to counter harmful assumptions. Then, tell yourself to stop. Substitute more reasonable assumptions. For example, when you catch yourself expecting perfection, remind yourself that it's impossible to be an expert at everything, and that it's only possible to do things to the best of your ability. This allows you to accept yourself as you are improving.

Make mental movies: Visualize yourself in the various scenarios that you currently lack confidence in. But see yourself behaving as a person who has tremendous self-confidence would. There are many effective self-hypnosis and NLP processes that are effective and will instill a tremendous amount of confidence from within your subconscious mind. There are even NLP techniques that will let you take confidence that you do have in areas of your life, and then transplant that confidence to areas of your life that are lacking confidence!

Self-Evaluate: Learn to appraise yourself independently. Avoid the constant sense of chaos that comes from relying on what others think.

Alan B. Densky, CH is a certified hypnotherapist and NLP Practitioner. His ecommerce site offers self hypnosis CD's for self-confidence. His Self Confidence CD's were reviewed by Personal-Development.info in England. Visit him for Free self hypnosis & NLP newsletters and articles.

Thank you!

For additional information on the topic of Self Esteem visit this very good website www.self-esteem-enhances-life.com/ They also discuss many other topics on self help!

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