Schizophrenia Disorder – Talk About Difficult!

The hearing to determine if my son would go to the mental hospital for his schizophrenia disorder was well underway.

The attorney for the state called me forward!

I very anxiously stepped forward and sat down. I received the basic questions about telling the truth and stating who I was.

Step by step I had to go through the traumatic events that led us to him being in the West Wing!

Talk about difficult!

The part about striking his mother in the face was especially difficult!

When my son's attorney got her shot at me she presented the questions as if to imply I attacked him!

I now found myself trying to defend my actions!

At every opportunity I commented on how much we cared and loved our son! I also commented how smart and loving he can be. But my comments were tempered with the idea that he needed medication in order for him to become that individual again.

When I finally finished I felt broken! I felt as though I had somehow betrayed my son! I felt a little selfish and unworthy since I was relying on the state to solve our family problems! Why couldn't I fix the problem myself! Why wasn't there a solution to his schizophrenia disorder without having to resort to this?

People label individuals with schizophrenia disorder as insane or crazy! They call them that in a way as if they have some control over their actions. My son has feelings and when people label him crazy you can tell he is deeply hurt!

When that does happen I can't help but get angry at his biological egg and sperm donor! They should have been locked up for life since in essences they destroyed my son's life, and everyone around him that loves him.

No one is around to hear him warn me to be careful and not step into a huge hole in his room that doesn't exist! Yelling at me to stop right there or I will fall into it and be killed!

No one is around to hear him when he asks you if you see the other people in the room!

No one is around to hear him clearly talking with those people as if you were visiting with friends!

No one is around to watch him shake his head as if he were trying to shake those thoughts out of his mind!

No one is around when you see him sitting in a chair and starring into nothing for hours!

No one is around when you hear him ask why a girl he used to date will hang up on him when he calls!

I know there is a God! I know all things work together for Good! I know that His ways are not my ways! I know there is a reason! Schizophrenia disorder is beyond my understanding!

Thank you and May God Bess you!

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